Learning this again - but not alone.

(Written in 2019)

So… diving back into this after so many years. I felt completely lost. I did not understand many of the terms, I did not understand how to be a secondary and I did not have a freaking clue about how to act when I felt a thousand feelings and not knowing if I were allowed to act upon them

I was a mess.

I decided to get some help. I have a friend who is poly and has been for many years. Super smart, super fun and I always felt very comfortable around her.
So reaching out to her with a big “HELP ME UNDERSTAND” was an easy thing to do.
And she had time and willingness to help me understand.

It was something really special when she showed up on my doorstep with juice, red wine, whiskey, tacos and snacks.
And most of all, a will to listen to all my thoughts and help me get my boundaries clear.

That was… invaluable for me. Because it’s so easy for me to get lost in the poly rabbit hole, to not have my own boundaries in check and to just… do what feels nice and act on a feeling. Sadly that includes sometimes bending to others will and afterwards realize that I stepped on my own toes.

Not good.

But my friend is amazing and she still checks in with me and I feel that I can text her and ask about anything. I know and keep comfort in that she keeps her boundaries pretty amazing and will tell if she doesn't have time.

So yeah, everyone needs friends but one also needs a mentor when doing new stuff. And to have a great friend as a polymentor might be the best safety check I ever had.