Flirting or can’t we just skip this game?

 (Written in 2019.)

“Hey Platypus! As a polyperson, I bet you are so good at flirting!”

Oh my sweet summer child... If I’m good at flirting?

BWAHAHA! I’m literally the worst at that!

Now that my not so secret secret is out: I’ve never been good at flirting. Or reading signals when others are interested in me. Hell, my former partner spent an evening giving me whiskey and kissing my neck until I saw stars and I STILL DID NOT GET THAT HE WANTED US TO KISS!

Nope, nothing here.

 Yup,I’m that bad.

But I have managed during the years. Mostly by learning that I can’t flirt even if my life depends on it and by adapting the method of being very forward.

My routine over the years has basically been this:

I walk up to the person I find interesting and ask them:

“I find you very handsome/attractive/sexy - wanna kiss?”

It has a 10/10 success rate and I find it quite interesting. It should not have had that high of a success rate.

But it has and now I’m in a situation were I once again shall try to show to people that I’m interested in them. Doing that and being totally on my own is a bit scary.

Not to mention trying to pick up when others are flirting.

I already botched at least two moments this month alone when people were flirting and I did not realize until way later.

Or that moment where a girl ran up to me after 3 hours out together and said:

“OK, now I ‘ve spoken to my partner and I can make out with you *points at super handsome guy* and YOU *points at me.”

My brain was just like… “Wait what??? Ohhhhh…...So that's why she was sitting so close and was hugging me all the time…”

Yup, I’m smart like that.

With this I want to say: I think flirting can be nice if I know someone is flirting. I love the buildup and hotness in exchanging looks and small touches during the evening. The feeling that we want each other so much.
That is like sex on a warm rock right there.

But I only like this if I pick up on the signals. Otherwise I’m blind as a bat. And I still can’t flirt with people.

So I think I will stick to my method by telling people straight and hoping that they will as up front.

The worst that can happen is a no and life is way too short not to kiss beautiful people.