As many people, I have a bit of a people pleaser in me and wish to make everyone around me happy. It´s quite common and my experience is that when I'm in poly relationship, I usally take on a big part of the responsibility in trying to make everyone feel happy.
From my partners, to metamours, to lovers...Yes, I want everyone to be happy and most important - I do not want any drama.
Hence I often have been bending over backwards to make sure people are happy to avoid drama.
Perfect!
Or not.
Because in that process, I have forgotten about a very important person.
Me. I forget about myself and my needs and wants and I forget that in every relationship, mono or poly, it should be teamwork.
It should not be my responsibility to make sure that my partners are communicating about important things that affects our relationship. Or checking in that they sticking to the agreements we made.
That they forget again and again is simply not good enough.
I cannot take all the responsibility for the communication of my partners to others and myself. Especially not when it comes from a place of hope to avoid drama and keep people happy.
That is just wrong.
I can try to take care of everyone's needs but if no one, least of all myself, is taking care of my own... then, it will be an overload of feelings from others that I need to manage and that is not fair to anyone.
What I can do is keep my own wants and needs in clear check, communicate about it and stick to my boundaries and from there - build great relationships.
The solution for avoiding drama was so simple in the end that I did not see it clearly.
The drama stops when I put myself first.
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